The relationship is going delightfully. You’ve never believed in destiny, but now it sure does look like you were meant for each other. The big night is upon you. You shave, sprinkle on some after shave, get a great bottle of champagne and Barry White’s smooth voice fills the air.
The next thing, you’re in bed, gloriously naked together, foreplay is in session and WHAM! Something goes terribly wrong. On one hand, you’re groaning like there’s no tomorrow, but she’s just sitting there unimpressed. Or vice-versa.
You just made acquaintance with sexual incompatibility. Since you’re in love with your partner, you want to do everything you can to alleviate the situation. But what exactly should you do?
If she never seems to be turned on, you’ll have to discuss the matter. You can ask what turns her on and what she’d like you to do in bed. Unfortunately, couples break up before they clear things out. If you love your partner, that’s probably not the way you want to go.
It happens to everybody at least once. You haven’t been cursed by the gods of sex. Give it some time and communicate. If others were able to weather it out, so will you. Both men and women tend to think they have a problem.
You really don’t. Sexual incompatibility can be temporary, especially at the onset of the relationship.
Spice things up
Planning sex is a major turn off. Stop doing it. Spontaneous sex can really solve the problem. Next time, just initiate it when your partner doesn’t expect it. Or even better, in a place where you shouldn’t be doing it. Buy her some sexy lingerie if you think she’ll like it.
Kinky stuff – unannounced kinky stuff – can be a real relationship saver. And yes, you are definitely encouraged to talk dirty.
Keep the Romance Alive
Some people let the spark die after they’ve seen they can’t do it properly. There’s a certain coldness installing between the two of them because they’re probably blaming themselves or worse, each other.
If you do let romance die, no counselling and no spontaneous sex will help you. You’ve just shoveled dirt on the coffin of your relationship. Be there for each other and don’t forget why you’re together.
Seek professional help
If the problem is real and it seems to be getting worse by the day, you should go to couple’s counselling. But then again, many couples, particularly the young ones frown upon exposing their bedroom issues to strangers. Relationships Australia has a range of resources for to help couples.
Sexual incompatibility can be a major threat to a relationship, especially for new couples. There are multiple ways, however, of correcting it. In a worst-case scenario, you’ll have to ask for help, but more often than not, it’s not something you can’t solve yourselves.
You just have to arm yourselves with patience and understanding, because if you don’t, then there’s not much you can do to save your relationship from the course it’s gone on. Hopefully, this will be just a bad dream.